Doom Spiral Conversation

Have you ever woken up with that feeling of impending doom? I know you have, we all have ... right? And you wonder what's going on. What is making you feel this way? So you sit there and ponder it with yourself. Here is how that conversation with yourself might go, or at least how mine is going today:


Wake up full of sadness.

*Well, you did drink last night.*

Yea, maybe that's it. Did I do something stupid?

*I don't think so. But then again, I was drinking too.*

Well, what did I do? Did I say things I shouldn't have?

*Hmm .. you were telling stories from the past. But I'm pretty sure they were funny, so I think you're all good there.*

I probably shouldn't have driven.

*Yea, that part's true. Lucky thing you drink close to home and you weren't really THAT drunk, just a little tipsy drunk. Still though .. no excuse .. shame on you for that one. You're gonna have to just acknowledge it, feel bad about it, be glad nothing bad happened and promise not to do it again.*

Agreed. I promise. Maybe I'm getting older and feeling more responsible.

*Yea, you are old now.*

Shut up, you're not helping.
So .. what else is wrong?? Why the doom?

*Ummm ... it's raining? Don't rainy days make people feel full of doom?*

Not me though, I like the rain.

*Maybe a flood is comin'. Better check on the cows*

Ok, now you're just off your rocker!
I wish Justin had stayed home from work today. Maybe the impending doom is my subconscious knowing he's going to get in a wreck or something.

*Don't say that!! You know he'll be fine. Your subconscious is full of shit.*

You're my subconscious.

*Um .. yea. I meant the other subconscious. You know, like the cartoons, one on each shoulder saying different things.*

So, now I have two of you??

*Quit bugging me, we're trying to figure out the doom. Maybe you're having a heart attack.*

WHAT?!?! OH MY GOD, 'feelings of impending doom' IS A SIGN OF HEART ATTACKS IN WOMEN!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS EARLIER???????

*Wait, don't freak out yet, you'll just give yourself a heart attack.*

DUDE, that is SO NOT FUNNY!!

*(giggles)*

Quit it!! I might be dying!! Wait ... I saw that Nicole Kidman movie. What the hell was it? 'The Others' maybe?? You know, where they're living their life and in the end it turns out they have been dead all along and just not known it. She killed her kids and everything!

*What? But you didn't kill your kids.*

Yea, but she didn't know that either. Dead people never seem to know they're dead. Haven't you been watching these movies with me?? You're my subconscious!! Aren't you obligated to be there??

*It's not in my contract.*

But in ALL the movies ..... wait .... you have a contract??

*Don't go there. And lay off the thing about the movies. You're just going to give yourself a panic attack and that's going to lead to a heart attack and then you WILL be dead and not even know it!*

Ha, who's crazy now??

*Have you looked up the symptoms for heart attacks in women?*

You know I have!! Why is EVERYTHING a possible symptom for a heart attack in women?!!? Impending doom? Check. Anxiety? Check. Got your period? Check.

*You don't have your period.*

I know, but it's still like a possible heart attack symptom!!

*Now you're just being silly. I think it's that Valium I slipped you.*

You're slipping me Valium now???

*Well, someone needed to. Hell, look at the stuff you're blogging right now.*

Fair enough. Thanks then I guess.

*You're welcome.*
*Hey, Ellie mentioned it might be the robot thing she posted on Facebook the other day. You are pretty scared of robots...*

Impending doom caused by robots?? Sounds plausible. I think I'll run with that.

*I think you should quit this blog post now. People are going to start thinking you're crazy*

You already know that they do.

*True. But still .. knock it off*

Ok.


~And there you go. The doom spiral conversation. You DO have these with yourself .. right???

Kid Stuff & Being a Mom

There are definite "you know you're a Mom when" moments.

Like when you find yourself at the end of your rope, mad with despair, cursing to yourself "who keeps putting my spoon in with the other spoons?!?!" .. and you're dead serious. Damnit, don't they know my tea spoon doesn't go in with the other spoons??? I am trying to seek my almighty moment of Zen, I'm being good and not drinking coffee (or rum), so where the hell is my tea spoon?!?!??!

Yea .. that was definitely a moment.


Not all moments induce such madness. Sometimes you have to learn to laugh at it. Like when you walk past your kids' room as see this

and it isn't even 9:30 in the morning yet. Actually, I snapped this photo and sent a copy of it to Justin, with the message of how I know he doesn't think I make the kids clean up at all during the day .. so here. He was shocked and wanted to know when the photo was taken. I told him that not only was that mess done this morning but that yesterday they made a mess of that equivalence a couple times over. ~ They have to clean up for lunch so that gives them plenty of chances to try and out-do their morning mess level later in the day.
I laughed about this one. They did clean it all up before lunch.

I happened to be walking by the living room yesterday morning and overheard this from Shannon - Tristan, see these towers I'm building?? When you see these towers Tristan you're eyes are gonna SPARKLE!!! And you're gonna say "Who built these towers" (my note, he said that in a voice filled with awe .. no joke) and I'm gonna say "I just can't bear to tell you." (my note again, that one was said like it was the heaviest of burdens)
He kept repeating this over and over to Tristan.

And then some afternoons, as I am trying to get dinner ready, scenes like this occur:

4pm - Shannon, with great pride - Mommy, see what I can do with Foster! (sets rope toy on table) - Ok Foster, I'm not going to give you your treat yet. (begins gently pulling dog's tail around the dog, making dog chase his tail) See Mommy, I can make him chase his tail!! Ok Foster, now you can have your treat. - (to me) Sometimes he chases his tail himself and sometimes he needs help chasing his tail.

-5:20pm - I am beginning to make dinner. Tristan opens the cabinet doors beneath the sink, looks in & asks "How come that leads to the basement??" (it doesn't), Foster leans in and looks too, apparently wondering the same thing.

OK.

Or I turn around to see a battle scarred cowboy straddling a butter knife next to a severed foot on my kitchen island. You think I am joking. I'm not.

And you just sigh....

Tales of the Sleepy Husband

The Saga Continues.


I come to bed. Justin is out cold, still wearing his pants. Here is how the conversation went:

Me, probably had to smack him a bit to get him to wake up enough to hear me: You fell asleep with your pants on.

Justin: We laid the fart down on the way in.

Me, apparently not too amused: Well, take off your pants!

Justin: Not me, but SPARTAN.



uh-huh.....

A Glimpse of Insanity

I did a google search for 'insanity photos' and found this. I don't know what it is, but it is insane and it captures about how this morning is going. (PS - here is the link to it: http://www2.printshop.co.uk/Weebl/Shop/Plushies/Insanity_Prawn_Boy/Product.html - it is random enough for me to now have to spend an afternoon or an hour or so looking through later)

My point is, this has been a really odd morning. My last post was about the randomness of Tristan. Well, I gotta tell y'all .. the kid comes by it naturally. Here is my morning.

I wake up and just can't quite get going. Dragging, not focusing, feeling like I am in a dense fog. Coffee is calling me, though coffee does not like me. I think coffee has hidden agendas and secretly plots against me. Coffee is a double agent lurking in the pantry. The coffee has won this round as I brew up a pot.

As the caffeine begins to kick in my mind begins to really fly. I announce how windy it is and hope that a house doesn't fall on me. A friend replies that she hopes I am wearing red glitter shoes (my friend is not made up ... at least I'm pretty certain she isn't). I reply that I need red glitter mukluks, red glitter shoes, and a pair of shoes that curl up at the toe and have a little bell on them. And some luxurious Moroccan slippers. I imagine myself walking around the house in them. Actually, I might have hallucinated it. I feel like a Johnny Depp character on crack.

Now it is lunch time and I fix the boys their lunch. Because that is what you do at lunch, it would be silly to fix them anything else then. Both boys are dressed, and Tristan is wearing a shoe on one foot & a slipper on the other.
They are rattling on and on and on and on as kids are prone to do. Obviously I am prone to do this as well. It is half understandable and half not. Sometimes I think they're just speaking in grunts. Or that William Shatner has suddenly inhabited the body of my child and .... they ... start ... talking ... like ... this.

This conversation occurs:
Tristan ~ Mommy, do you actually cold snow?
Me ~ Do I actually cold snow?
Tristan ~ Yea. Do you actually cold snow?
Me ~ I really don't know...

Shannon then goes into a several minute long talk about what he does when he sees cold snow. I wonder if I've really had too much coffee &/or what was in my coffee. Is it possible to slip yourself something unknowingly?

Foster is now weaving around the table, pushing the chair around, licking the floor, and fitting BETWEEN the table and wall. This is impressive since all laws of physics and sciences would dictate that it is impossible for him to do so. I think I see the table try to walk out of the kitchen on his back.

Lunch is a mixture of random sentences, grunts, and feeling like everyone is speaking some weird language. The kids have gone goofy. Laughing at insanely random silliness (and this is a statement given the general insanity and randomness of the morning). I am now screaming at the kids to quit it & eat, because after several calmer attempts to get them to calm down and eat they are now saying nothing but just pointing at each other and I am still screaming for them to quit it and wondering what the hell am I on.
We have a bell on the back door that Foster is supposed to ring to let us know he needs to go out. He rings it far more often than that. He goes over to it and begins ringing it now. I think he just wanted to add to the general insane conversation.

So, I am still trying to get them to eat. Getting my kids to eat can be an amazingly long process, especially with Tristan. Out of nowhere, Tristan punches table then, in shock, looks at me crying because he hurt his fist. He wraps it up in his shirt and frowns.

Shannon is now done eating and wandering about. He lost his first tooth recently and has four more loose teeth. He asks me if I want to feel his loose teeth. I am reminded of last night's trip to Lowe's where we run into a friend (who also happens to be on City Council - so please kids act appropriate) and he asks her if she would like to wiggle his teeth.
Lesson repeated to Shannon: If people aren't related to you, don't ask them to stick their hands in your mouth.

I'm still trying to get Tristan to finish his food. He is chewing the same bite for five minutes. I swear I see the glint in his eye that says "this is on purpose you over controlling bitch!" All the while Shannon is now skipping through the house and humming some random tune, not a song, just a tune/noise. This, of course, happens after he says he is going to wait in the room for Tristan.

I have finally gotten the kids down for naps (or quiet time as the case may be for Shannon) and I think some bit of normality and sanity might be achievable. Then this conversation occurs:

Tristan, calling to me from his nap room ~ Mommy, I need you.
Me, heading in there ~ What?
Tristan ~ Bear's Bob Marley blanket has a big hole in it.
*said blanket is in on the floor in the middle of the room, I pick it up & examine the hole*
Me ~ How did it get a hole in it?
Tristan ~ Because I stuck my hands in there and then I put my head through it.
Me ~ *actually, I don't respond. I give him that 'you gotta be kidding me' look*
Tristan ~ That's why I need you to fix Bear's Bob Marley blanket. And I need Bear's smaller blanket with the little holes in it.

I don't let him have another blanket with more holes in it. I kiss him goodnight on his forehead. Somehow I get the feeling that I've also kissed all hopes of sanity for the day goodbye.

Wonderfully Random Tristan

It really is amazing to see what distinct personalities your children have. Shannon came into this world like a ball of fire. Tristan has always been more mellow. Very mellow.

*When we would go through grocery stores Tristan, riding shot-gun in the cart, would throw his head back and look at the lights. He'd stare and say "whoa......." really drawn out. ~ It was funny. We never turn a lot of lights on at the house so we figured he was just impressed.



*When he was still learning to talk, Tristan's first full sentence was "I want a cracker." This eventually got shortened down to "I want crack." That's really funny until you have to go through a grocery store, trying to hold your head up and not die, with a toddler sobbing and screaming "I WANT CRACK!!"



*Sitting around the kitchen table one evening, I hear someone kicking the table. I look at Shannon and tell him to quit it. Shannon looks at Justin who then looks at Tristan. We're all now looking at Tristan, who is off in his own world yet all the while still kicking the table. I snap "TRISTAN!!" and he jumps and with a shock replies "What, I didn't pee!!"



*Both boys are musical but it is Tristan who remembers songs. Of course he doesn't always remember the correct lyrics. First it was Tom Waits. They love his song 'Big in Japan' & they call him/it the 'Silly Man Music.' I didn't think anything of it until, again in a grocery store, Tristan starts singing it, mimicking Tom Waits' voice quite well, and singing "Hey but I'm big in your pants, I'm big in your pants..."Then it was them walking in while I was listening to the Beastie Boys. Tristan walks of singing "NO .. SLEEP .. TILL BROCCOLI!!!" ~ I am seriously going to put that on a shirt!



*The other evening, a weekend evening, Justin ran an errand really quickly. It had been a holiday weekend so Justin had been home from work for several days before said weekend. Justin comes home from running the errand, walks through the door and is greeted by Tristan asking "Daddy, are you home from work now?"



*We used to get milk delivered, and the milkman still comes by every Monday morning to bring us cheese and other items of our choosing. He usually is here around 10:30am. That evening, around 5:30PM Justin's father stopped by to drop something off. He was only here a minute but he did make sure to say hi to the boys. Several minutes pass. Tristan walks to the front door and starts asking "Is the milkman here now??" Although he stated it clearly enough from the beginning, I am in disbelief and have to get him to repeat it. I reply "no" and Tristan just blankly says "oh" and walks off.