The Sickness Preparedness Kit

A friend on Facebook is sick and it made me think to share my thoughts with the rest of you.  I know that lately we've been fighting off some really strange little bugs and I'm on the verge of feeling like we should be in quarantine if it doesn't let up. 

That said, stressing and being upset won't help.  In fact, it will make matters worse.  The more we stress the sicker our bodies get.  Think about it in percentages.  If your body is close to 100% when you're nice and healthy then it maybe flutters closer to 60% when you're sick, depending on how sick you are at the time.  Let's say that stress takes off 15%.  When you're healthy and you stress you drop to only 85%, but when you're sick and you stress you drop to 45% -- which gives you a much longer road to recovery.  Don't forget, stress adds up, the more you stress the higher that percentage number gets and the longer that road to wellness becomes.  So ... main thing is .. don't stress.

Now of course, that is easier said than done.  And, of course, everyone has their own way of doing things that make them feel better.  My kids and I have our own way, my husband has his.  I'm going to share with you the things that work for me, and in general my household.

ONE - Go To Bed!!  Clean pillowcases, sheets, and blankets are the best.  If you have someone else who can help you out by prepping the bed with fresh linens, please let them do it.  If not, who cares, you're sick!  Just make sure you have a couple various blankets nearby, even perhaps a small fan, to help you navigate easily through the chills & hot flashes of being sick.  (PS - When you're feeling better, change your sheets and let your pillows sit out in the sun for a few hours.  This will kill germs and keep you nice and healthy!)

TWO - Beverage!!  My first thought here was to actually write 'tea' but different ailments call for different beverages.  Tea is always wonderful though because it can truly help heal you.  Got an upset tummy?  Try some ginger tea.  Fighting a migraine?  Peppermint tea to the rescue.  Don't know what tea you need, fear not, they come in sets labeled for various ailments.  Serve warm and with honey (a healer in itself). 
Now, as natural as I like to try and be, I'll admit that there are times when I'm sick and all I want is Dr. Pepper.  That is a personal preference.  I grew up with my mother giving me Ginger Ale when I was sick so I never cared much for the taste of it later on in life.  I don't drink Coke unless it has booze in it, it is just gross to me.  My soda of choice is Dr. Pepper.  When my body demands it, I'll give in.  After all, it is about comfort and .. see above .. no stress!

THREE - Combat Cabin Fever ~ Get "Junk Food" For Your Brain!! Ok, this sounds odd, I know.  Who the heck recommends junk food when you're sick, right??  ME, that's who!!  But, I am not recommending it in a food way.  No, I'm talking about something for your brain that allows you to actually rest but lets your brain think it is doing something.  Let me explain.
Movies are great here, but you have to be careful what type of movie you watch.  You don't want something that will tear you up and wrack your already unhinged body with emotions that will take a toll.  No, no, no.  Nor do you want a laugh out loud comedy that will give your ribs a workout - after all, depending on how sick you are squeezing your abdominal muscles like that might end up in a not so pleasant way.  Yuck, right?  There are those wonderful standby movies that don't require thought, that please you enough to watch but that you won't feel too horrible if you doze off through.  For me, depending on my mood, they are 'Godzilla' (extra points if it is a gray and rainy day out), 'xXx' - the Vin Diesel one not porn, 'Underworld', 'Van Helsing', 'Lake Placid', 'The Mummy' and so on.  Just some of my personal preferences, you'll know yours. 
Also, this is the time I will send my husband out to get me magazines.  I'm a chick, so I don't know how this applies to guys, but this is the time that I like to read my "junk food magazines."  Cosmo, Seventeen, umm.. Vogue?  Actually, I don't know the names of the magazines.  They're the ones with must have fashion tips, nail colors for the season, and the general rotating magazine list of "secrets exposed" (you know, "What guys REALLY mean by..." and blah blah blah).  Again, this isn't something I would ever bother with when in my usual life, but this isn't my usual life is it?  The silly promise of the perfect updo for Summer, nail polishes and lip balms that scream Spring, must have boots and purses for Fall ... BRING 'EM ON!!  If I was healthy I would would instantly know how ridiculous it all is.  Since I'm sick though these quick-fix, life is all better, problem solving tips are perfect.  My brain will numbly sift through them, happy for something to munch on, without having to strain itself at all. 
Really I suppose the main thing here is to trick your brain.  You want it to think it is doing something so that you don't get all ancy and stressed realizing that you're still sick, you're stuck in bed, all that vomiting hasn't caused you to lose any weight (or conversely it has caused you to lose too much), the house is dirty, the kids are misbehaving, and if you don't get well your husband is going to attempt to do laundry!!  EEEKK!!  Now you're stressing.  Shut that mind up and give it something to happily munch on while you get some rest!! Whew!

So .. those are my main rules for when you're sick.  If it is your kid who is sick I add on these extra ones:

ONE - Portable dvd player for their bed.  My mother will try to tell me to put them in my bed, but ewww ... they're sick, I don't want their sick germs in my bed!  Call me a bad mom if you want, but you're thinking it too.  Make their bed as comfy for them as possible and put a portable dvd player in there for them so they can relax in their bed.

TWO - Vomit buckets.  Sounds gross but cleaning up vomit that has been spewed from the top bunk down to the floor is grosser.  Little ones, try as they might, simply can't always make it to the bathroom in time.  Spare yourselves (and them!) the stress.  Line a bucket with a plastic bag and keep it bedside.

THREE - Fuss & Reassure.  This means fuss over them, because who doesn't want to be fussed over when they're sick?  We all do.  We all want to know that someone is out there doing everything they can to try and make us better.  Reassure them.  When we're sick we're sure that our doom is immanent.  Our bowels are going to surely come spilling out with the next heave and we'll never to get to do all those things we wanted to do.  Kids, obviously, feel the exact same way but they have less ability to reason that things will be ok.  So, cool & damp rag to the forehead, smooth their hair, rub their backs, and so on.  Reassure them that by tomorrow you're sure they'll be feeling back to normal.  This can be repeated daily until it actually happens, as long as you say it with full confidence. 

There you go, that is my sickness preparedness kit.  That and a good bowl of chicken noodle soup (homemade chicken stock and homemade soup gets extra points here!) will do you a world of good.  Until it does though, relax.  Take a deep breathe.  You will feel better before you know it. 

Indian Jambo!

So, instead of posting this recipe where I really should on my Mama Taney's Kitchen blog, I'm posting it here.  I know, I'm slack.  Whaddya gonna do about it? 
Tonight for dinner I made a dish I've decided to, from here on out, call "Indian Jambo" ~ why .. um, well, because what we were calling it wasn't really accurate, and it isn't Gumbo, nor is it Jambalaya, and saying "Indian Jambalaya" is a total tongue twister but I really liked that kinda vibe, so .. Indian Jambo.

I haven't made this dish in well over six months, despite the numerous times it has appeared on the menu list.  It isn't that something is wrong with the dish, it probably isn't really even that hard to make, it just doesn't sync well with me.  Or I don't sync well with it.  Or something like that.  The main reason for this is that when I make this I'm making actually making two entrees at the same time, along with a big ole batch of rice.  And, folks, I seriously just don't have that kind of focusing capabilities.  Squirrel!
Ok, where was I?  Oh yea, focusing.  *oohhh .. shiny.*  See, not good at it.  But, I do make the dish because it is really damn yummy.  It is also vegetarian and probably really good in terms of Ayurvedic diet stuff, and it makes a friggin' ton of food so we're set up with meals forever (which freeze & reheat well), which means it is actually a really, really, ridiculously cheap meal.  I'd do the math on this but I did it once and I just don't like math enough to do it again.  But it was really cheap in the end. 

So, since it is so yummy I am going to share it with you now.  This dish was inspired by Amy's Organic frozen meal called Mattar Paneer.  A friend had brought some over and we shared it and ended stirring it all together and it was really yummy.  I wanted to try and make it myself, and searched out the recipes. 



Indian Jambo!!  All blended together and magically delicious!



What I immediately found out was that Amy's version isn't just Mattar Paneer.  It is Mattar Paneer, Chana Masala, and rice.  So, let's break it down.  You'll need your regular ole pot/saucepan, two large skillets, and a big ole bowl.  Plus containers for leftovers.

1) Rice - Make a massive amount of rice for this.  I use brown rice, but feel free to use white if it tickles your fancy.  What I've found is that though you add more rice the flavor doesn't fade away, making the rice a really awesome way to stretch this dish out to the max.  I used 8 cups of water & 4 cups dry rice, giving me 16 - 20 servings of rice!  This amount is the maximum that my regular pot/saucepan will hold, which is quite convenient.  Make it just like you would regular rice.

2) Chana Masala - Here's the link to the recipe I used: http://www.fatfree.com/recipes/indian/chana-masala -- If you really want me to type it out harass me about it and maybe I will.  This dish can go in the smaller of the skillets (if you don't have two equally big ones - I know I don't), but it will need a lid.

3) Mattar Paneer - Again, here's the link to the recipe I used and if you want me to type it all out, well, see above: http://www.indianfoodforever.com/vegetables/matar-paneer.html - This dish is definitely going to need the biggest skillet pan you've got.  In fact, because I didn't pay attention (see way above as to why I don't make this too often) I ended up having to leave out some of the water and then made a mess on the stove when trying to scoop it all out.

Same dish, just now the photo is taken with a FLASH!  Woo!!

Ok, make your rice, make the chana masala, and make the Mattar Paneer.  If you don't have a groovy Indian store near you, or even just an Indian store near you, you can substitute extra firm tofu for the Paneer.  Absolutely no worries on that one. 

After you've got all three dishes prepped and made, start adding them in equal proportions to your big bowl.  I use the biggest bowl we've got, the one normally reserved for chips & football games.  For me the best way to make sure I'm schlopping equal portions is to scoop 1, 2, 3 scoops of the Mattar Paneer then 1, 2, 3 scoops of the Chana Masala, then 1, 2, oh hell, 1/2 the rice or so.  Mix well with a spoon. 
This dish is so large that I actually can't fit it all in one bowl till after we've eaten.  But, hey, it's all good because .. well, it's all good!!



Leftovers!!



Like I said, the leftovers on this dish are a plus in my category because it means future dinners that are homemade but that I don't have to really take any effort to get to the table.  The white container above Justin will take for lunch tomorrow.  The other two are holding way more than they look in the photo.  The glass pyrex dish (under the white container) will easily feed the four of us for dinner. 

Try it out and see what you think. 

Lazy Moms Rock

As many of you may know, or can have guessed, we're big into the Free Range Kid movement.  Haven't heard of it before?  Check out Lenore Skenazy's blog by clicking this link Free Range Kids.  We were already free ranging things before I read her book (which had be laughing out loud in the library), and her book & blog have made us more confirmed in the things we're doing .. and sometimes not doing.

What is so very cool about this, to me, is that it is basically an adamant stance on the issue that, generally speaking, the way kids have been raised throughout history was with freedoms we no longer allow our kids, with trust we no longer allow our children to earn, and with faith, which we no longer have in our fellow human beings.  Of course there have been horrible instances of child labor and etc throughout history as well, but in general ... don't be Debbie Downer here, ok?

For example, we live within shouting distance of three playgrounds/small parks.  We also live in a neighborhood filled with children.  Yet rarely do we see children filling up these playgrounds on beautiful days nor do we see them riding their bikes on the sidewalks, playing games with other kids, and etc.  Sure, we see adults walking, but not as many kids playing. 
When most of us were growing up however the scene was quite different.  On pretty days I remember spending afternoons up in the maple tree with my best friend, or in forts we had built among the pine trees in the back yard.  Our forts were especially cool because they had furniture in them: old car seats that we found on the curb and drug back to the fort ourselves.  At night we played "Night Games" a form of tag at night with flashlights that was played through the neighborhood, with borders being designated by so&so's house to so&so's house.  Heck, I even remember spending my Summers walking a half mile or so (ironically enough, it actually was an uphill walk too!) to the neighborhood pool, where we'd check in and spend the day - with no adults shuttling us to and fro and sitting there while we swam.  By the way, I was about in fifth grade at that time.  Now, of course, that would never happen! 

So what has happened?  Have kids just gotten a lot dumber?  Are we SO scared of every little scrape and boo-boo that every imaginable (not necessarily real) danger needs to be safeguarded against?  Forgive me please, but I thought scrapes and boo-boos were part of childhood.  Yes, I had my very large share of them too.  Yes, I was in situations that no parents want for their kids - nothing so horribly bad as where your mind likely just went, more specifically I had several close calls with cars while riding my bike.  Yet, I survived.  And, more importantly, I learned from them!  I learned not to go flying around blind corners where a car may be coming down the hill.  Heck, I learned what a blind corner was!!  I learned that kids will be on bikes, so when I am driving, I better watch out for them doing the same stupid things I did when I was little. 

As a parent now, I expect my kids to learn from their own stupid mistakes.  I expect that they will have those stupid mistakes.  I also expect that they can do a lot to help out around the house, other than watching TV and playing video games.  One of our family mottoes is "Everyone Helps" simply because we know that there is always something someone can do to pitch in and help out.

In that vein, and in the vein of children being able to actually do things rather than having them done for them, I write this blog.  Today, while I balanced my checkbook and went about other tasks that needed my attention, this was happening in the kitchen:

That would be Shannon.  Standing at the kitchen table, folding his laundry.  After he folded it all he took the basket into his room where he is responsible for putting it away.  Shannon is 8, and this is a task that it was high time he learn to do.
His younger brother, Tristan who is 5, was busy cleaning the walls while Shannon folded laundry.  Both had gotten in trouble today and had to draw from the "Bag of Death" (I'll blog about that soon enough, fear not) and Tristan drew "Clean the Walls."  So, he did.  It started at with groans but ended with pride as he decided that this also needed cleaning, and so did this, and so on.

My walls are now clean(er) and laundry has been folded.  I've had my cup of coffee and my kids know that they're capable of being valuable and contributing members of our family. 

Hoorah for Lazy Moms!!

We're on Facebook

Spring has sprung here in Southwestern Virginia!! Above is a photo of our daffodils, which have been in bloom for a while and are now beginning to fade, along with one of our tulips, which are just beginning to come in.  This tulip is one that was originally planted by my great-grandmother, Pom.  Over the years we've moved them, nutured and nourished them so that they've once again started sporting nice blooms.  I couldn't be more proud!

Spring brings new things and the biggest one is that we're on Facebook now.  You can like us on there by clicking here: www.facebook.com/TheBlueNymph.  I'll be updating that page much more frequently than I do here, so if you want to follow along, I encourage you to do so there.

Hope y'all are all having a wonderful Spring!

An experience in spaying ..

Life With Dogs:

Our bulldogs Layla and Cupcake were spayed yesterday.

Layla, on happier days

As usual, Layla complained the ENTIRE way to the vet.  "I don't like car rides!" "Cupcake is the one in heat, why am I being punished too??" "The Jeep is too cold!" "I want to go home!" "This isn't fair!!" and so on. She politely threw up on the ride up to Christiansburg (I only know this from seeing the crate later on).

Foster, our Mastiff, spent the day wandering around looking for them. If you've never seen a curious Mastiff it is quite a site. Demanding, repeatedly, to check each side of the back door, despite the cold temperatures and rain. Finally he went to sleep on the couch - his worry wore him out.

As you can see, the stress took a toll.  It is so hard being so caring.

We were called to pick them up in Christiansburg yesterday rather than back in Salem this morning because of them being bulldogs (more chances of problems). So, the kids and I met Mom and Barry (aka Grandma & Grandpa) up there. Mom watched the kids while Barry helped me load the crates and dogs back up for the ride home.

When they brought out Cupcake they were carrying her. Apparently she thought she couldn't walk. She also thought she couldn't walk the other night here at home when she had to wear underwear. Apparently her back legs only work under the best of circumstances, in all other cases, she MUST be carried.

It is also hard being a little princess.  This is her "perch" on the couch.

Layla, once we got back to Salem & despite the anesthesia, once again began letting us know how much she resented the general mistreatment she was experiencing.  "That was awful!" "When will we be home??"  "Does Daddy know you let them do this to me?" "I want to go home!"
We EVENTUALLY (so Layla said) made it back home.  Justin took off a minute or two early so that he could almost meet us there.  You can tell he was worried sick.  Layla was the first to be taken out of the car, per her demands and since Cupcake still didn't think her legs worked anyway.

I walked her into the front yard while Justin took her crate inside.  Layla didn't need to pee so we walked to the front porch.  Now, there is A step.  Just a little step up.  We weren't sure if she could do this though given the circumstances.  She put her front paws on the porch and then hesitated.  ... And then she sat down on the front walk.  .... And then she rolled over onto her side .... into the lavender bush.  ... Where she stayed until, on her side, until Justin picked her up and carried her into her crate. 
She spent the rest of the evening pretty much sound asleep, though every now and then she would let us know she was still alive by giving us a gripe or two about her mistreatment.  Even a sedated bulldog can still complain, just groggily.

Cupcake we carried, because you know her legs don't work, inside and into her crate.  It is amazing how bulldogs can demand, and get, the literal Royal Treatment. 
She did fine the rest of the evening, though she did get up to let us know she needed to go out a couple of times.  OF COURSE, she was carried to and from.  Her butt and paws wiped (not at the same time), before being put back into her crate.  Mountain View Humane Society had given both girls a soft towel for their crates for the trip home, just in case.  Apparently our gals convinced even them they were Royals. 

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.  Layla threw up again later when her pain pill finally hit her stomach (thankfully late enough afterwards that she didn't throw it up).  She's been sick again this morning, but, being Royalty she DOES have a sensitive stomach. 

Cupcake decided she really liked her new towel in her crate.  She smooshed it up against the crate door.  Then, this morning, she began nibbling on the tag.  I called to her and she quickly looked up and around, certain that it wasn't her who was being scolded.  She, of course, hadn't been doing anything.  ... right ...

Foster on the other hand has had the hardest time adjusting.  He's been very upset that the girls are being carried and he isn't. After-all, even though he weighs a good 150lbs now he still is certain that he is no more than the size of a bulldog.  And if they can be carried then he most certainly should be as well.  He's gone to the back door several times, out onto the frozen porch, only to look back at me with eyes that say "Well, are you going to carry me down these steps or not?"  ... not.
So, since he's had to endure such stress and trauma, and since he's not one to be out-done by any other dog, he's decided his stomach is now upset too.  He got given a gas pill and some rice in his food, which he didn't eat.  He's now back on the couch.  It is all that darn stress ...

Halloween Fun

Our Halloween 2011 pumpkins.  If you haven't already figured it out, they're characters from The Nightmare Before Christmas.  L-R: Zero (the dog), Jack Skellington, and Oogey Boogey.  Justin and the kids did these and I have to say, this is one of my favorite years.  Every year we carve several pumpkins.  We have people who remember that ours tend to be elaborate and visit just to see what we've carved.  This year was no exception.

Halloween on our street is a big deal.  Every year we get over 200 kids.  Most of the houses decorate for Halloween, and there are simply kids galore.  It is such a busy event that instead of shutting the door between kids, we rearrange the front porch furniture and hang out there.  We adults get dressed up as well, of course.  This year I was a witch, Justin was a priest, Shannon was a scary hooded guy, and Tristan was a skeleton.  Justin's brother Matt came over and we dressed him up as a zombie, make up and all.  (Really, I think I should start a Halloween Make-up business!!)

Along with the three pumpkins we had an "eyeball tree," the door to the house decorated with lights & usually open, the inside of the house decorated, and pumpkin & skull candles lit on the front porch.  Oh yes, there was the scary music that played as well, of course.  We always invite friends and family over for a Halloween party on Halloween, and so, as usual, we had a couple of kids who thought that our house was set-up as a Haunted House given the decor and the people coming and going. 

While the guys (and Justin's Mom & sister) took the kids trick-or-treating I assumed my role to hand out candy.  I had a goblet that I was drinking from, and took delight in playing up the role.  Most of the kids were very well behaved this year.  A couple of kids I saw darting across the road, not a wise idea on our road, and darting through people's yards, ignoring any landscaping that was there.  When they got to our house I was in full witchy mode.  I slowly took a sip from skeleton goblet, setting it down on the edge of my chair.  I turned my gaze (with my heavily made-up eyes) to them just as slowly and then fixed my gaze on them.  As I handed them their candy I had my voice eerily-pitched and scolded them gently, creepy, and with my gaze not leaving their eyes for darting into the road and for running through yards.  I warned them that they could get hurt.  I got two nervously sincere "yes ma'am"s from them.  I think the point was made.

So, a little after eight we got the kids in bed and took the party inside.  I left the lights outside on and even went back and relit the pumpkins when I realized kids were still coming by.  This is where it starts to get fun.

Normally I don't care so much for older kids, and I will readily refuse candy to those who don't dress up.  Also, we always put the dogs up in the crates during Halloween.  With the door being open so much it would be easy for them to get out. Also, and our main reason, Halloween can be a scary time to be a dog.  People in scary costumes make it hard to tell friend from foe and can scare a dog.  Any dog with an instinct to protect could easily assume there was cause to.  So, to be safe, our dogs stay up.  However, once we shut the door we let the dogs loose.

Older kids kept coming by, knocking on the door.  The dogs would go nuts.  And, though all dogs' barks are impressive and can be scary, Foster does have a .. well .. massive Mastiff bark. 

At first I would try to block the dogs as I went to the door, but with one group Layla, our 1 year old Bulldog, slipped by me and out onto the porch.  I shut the door behind me and went to get her.  She wasn't scared, she was curious as usual and simply walked around the kids.  No growling, nothing.  The kids were older middle-school or high-school age kids (hard to tell), and one boy simply FREAKED OUT.  It was hysterical.  He started jumping back when he realized she was a bulldog.  "She's a bulldog" he yelled, "those things will kill you!!!" 

I couldn't resist.

"Oh, no" I replied calmly and reassuringly, "bulldogs won't kill you. Mastiffs will kill you."  And with that I opened the door, shoved Layla in, and let Foster take a step or two out. "See?" I said. 

The kid tripped over himself running back to the sidewalk, while his friends, who initially jumped back as well, roared with laughter. 
Foster never growled, never showed any aggression, just took a couple curious steps through the doorway, with me holding his collar. 


BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

To the doctor we go again..

First off, the reason that they're haven't been any blogs posted from me in a while: blogspot hates me.  It's as simple as that.  Truly.  It has nothing to do with the strange fact that my son is humming the JAWS theme (though he's never seen the movie) in his room as I try to focus and type.  It has nothing to do with me going crazy at all, no it doesn't and I don't like your implications.  Blogspot simply hates me.  I type out a great blog, I go to hit publish, the whole thing freezes up and then the computer starts giggling this insane giggle that only Stephen King could dream up, and it gets up and runs away.  And, I'm left sitting there all innocent without a blog post anymore.  So, there.  Now you know.  I blog now at great risk to my own health and warfare (no, not a typo).  You're welcome.  I love you.

So, do you remember Shannon's 5 Year Doctor check up visit?  No?  Why not?  I kinda do!  Ok, I'll forgive you.  You can click on that snazzy link and it'll take you to the blog post about it. 

Tristan had his 5 Year Doctor check up visit yesterday.  Here is how my day went:

Wake up and decide this isn't one of my days.  And, since I have nowhere to be, I'm allowed to have a lazy bummy day, so I don't take a shower.

Remember at 11am that we have an appt at noon. Tristan, who has been congested for a few days (thank you Allergy Gods) has been given cough/cold syrup.


Remember that 2 years ago, at Shannon's 5 year check up, he barfed EVERYWHERE. Try not to mention that memory to the kids.

Put on a nicer shirt and attempt to do something with my hair.  Ok - so here's a fun tidbit for you: a lot of people think that having dreads means you completely neglect your hair.  Like you forget it's there all together.  This couldn't be further from the truth, at least for me.  And, if you haven't been to take your kids to the doctor's lately, you are missing out on the well-known, absolute fact that you MUST look presentable because, no matter how sick your child is or isn't, they WILL judge you.  It's a bunch of women ... DUH! 

My dreads and I argue some, but they finally agree to go up in some form of a bun.  The Hokie colored ones though decide they're going to really stand out in weird ways today.  Fine.  Just fine.

Get kids into the car.  Attempt to get self into the car.  Thanks to a long upper-body and short arms, I only have 3 fingers' width of room between the top of my head and the top of the car when my hair is down.  If my hair is up, I wind up driving all GANGSTA style, slung off to the side trying to fit in the car.  -- How in the world did women with beehives EVER drive anywhere????  I need a carriage and someone to drive me around. 

Get there early, wait till ...shortly after 12 to be seen - go figure.

They do urine sample & finger prick blood test first. Tristan is fine. He doesn't get upset till he feels (I'm guessing) that first heartbeat in his finger. (You know what I'm talking about) - At that point he has an upset, eyes welling "uh-oh" reaction.

Nurse calls us back into the room so we don't have to wait. She takes Tristan off to do the eye & hearing exam.

She returns with Tristan who is COVERED in vomit. I mean, it was even on the back of his pants. Since I didn't see it happen, all I can imagine is the Excorsist. Nurse seems stunned and unsure of what to do. She hands me a gown and I work on stripping him down.

Meantime, I call my mother to please run by my house, grab him a change of clothes and GET HERE NOW!

He announces he needs to go to the bathroom. While on toilet he starts puking again, then it shoots out the other end. (Sorry - TMI, I know). I try to clean up as best I can.

Get him cleaned up, washed off, and etc. Get gown back on. He is clammy and his face is literally green.

Nurse keeps trying to say he has a stomach bug. I keep trying to tell her that his older brother had a very similar reaction and that their father doesn't do very well at the sight of blood either.

I remind Beazley of Justin's fainting spell during a very similar check-up when I get the chance.

Mom arrives. All seems ok. Then Shannon announces HE has to go to the bathroom, and it's obvious HE is starting to cry.

Beazley looks at me, wide-eyed, in a "WTH?" wonder.

I go to the bathroom with Shannon. Have to get him to admit to being upset and crying. He says that he doesn't like getting shots. I remind him that HE isn't getting any shots today. He says he doesn't like Tristan getting shots. I leave him to finish.

While he's still in the bathroom we agree that my mother will go ahead and leave, taking Shannon with her. This is good because by the time Shannon gets back he pretty much hollers that he wants to leave NOW. - they leave.

Now there is the usual examination part.  I win the "WORST MOTHER EVER" award for not only all that has happened but also because Tristan is wearing underwear that is oddly stained all over (of course, right?), and socks that aren't of equal shades of whiteness - one is bright white the other is slightly pink. 

Tristan gets his 3 shots. At doctor's "orders" we lay him down for it and keep him down. Obviously, he cries about the shots *mega duh*

After a good long while I'm able to get him dressed. He keeps trying to kinda hyperventilate.

Tristan has been known to, when he's VERY upset, quit breathing kinda, go blue, and pass out. So ... this is my current fear.

We walk out to the car, I think the rain and cool air will do him good but he seems to be getting weaker. I finally wind up carrying him to the car.

I get him in the car. I attempt to get myself into the car. Remember what I said above about the dreads.  It's like a friggin' cartoon episode, me trying to get into the car with my big hair and little arms.  And it's raining.

We're driving down Main St., towards my mother's house, in the rain, and I glance to the back seat. Tristan is slumped over. I try to not go into full panic mode.

Turns out he was just asleep. Get all of us home. Everyone goes down for naps. I have two stories due. Two I, of course, hadn't written yet. I send my editor a letter asking just how late I can get them in. My nerves are shot.

Who the hell hid my valium today?

Why is my hair so big?

How is it fair that they inherit this reaction from Justin but I end up being the one to get to deal with puke and nurses who seem to be amazed that kids may puke at the doctors' office and capable of offering little other than a gown, a trash bag (at my request, they didn't think of that on their own) for his puke covered clothes, and then they run around spraying things with Febreeze???

Tristan sleeps for a while, or at least rests for a long while. This is good. No more vomiting, no passing out.

I get my articles written.

I find my valium.

I forget about my big hair since the ceilings here are even taller.

I make a good healthy, nourishing dinner. Tristan has a fit because he'd rather have a sandwich. We convince him to break up pretzels in the soup/pasta dinner. No (adult) tempers are lost.

I debate having one more kid just to make sure that Justin has to take said prospective kid to their 5 year check up.

Of course, Murphy's Law, that prospective kid would be fine.

I hate that prospective kid. Damn him/her.

I make Justin stay on bulldog butt wiping duty. This doesn't make me feel much better, but it's better than nothing.

The one bulldog who wasn't given gas-x pills proceeds to sit there, butt near my face, and fart all night.

Damn Murphy's Law.
 
Later I ponder if I can squeeze the bulldogs and make them fart in Justin's face. It would make a nice weapon and I feel like he deserves some suffering.


Cartoon-esque revenge theories are being hatched in my mind. I also kinda want to bitch-slap the nurses. Or at least do a SNL "REALLY?!?!?" clip about them. I mean, REALLY!?!?!?!, you're shocked and unprepared when kids vomit at the doctor's office?!!?!? REALLY!?!?!??! Who could ever imagine and forsee such events!!! REALLY!?!?!?
 
 
So .... now you know why we try to avoid trips to the doctor's office as much as try to avoid ... umm .. the plague?