Sam Elliott - Why are you addressing me? You aren't writing a letter. I'm right here, just talk. It's no wonder you're lost if you can't tell whether or not you are talking or writing.
Me - True. But, technically I am writing this all down ...
Sam Elliott - Well, go on then darling.
Me - I am feeling lost today. I need to go to the grocery store but I am worried about how much I will end up spending.
Sam Elliott - You're bothering me for this?
Me - Well, I am concerned about money! That's a fair concern to have. I mean how am I ..
Sam Elliott, cutting me off - Hey hey hey now. Have you looked around lately? Have you seen how many other people are hurtin'? Don't you think you have it pretty good comparatively speakin'?
Me - True. You're right, I do have it pretty good.
Sam Elliott - So, why are you workin' yourself up in a fit about this?
Me - I just wish I could do more. I wish I could contribute more.
Sam Elliott - Justin would say that if you want to contribute more you should offer to have sex more frequently...
Me - Hey!! We're not talking about Justin here. We're talking about me.
Sam Elliott - Just sayin'..
Me - Yea, well, who's side are you on?
Sam Elliott - Sex is always good, I don't mind being on either side. You should try that more often.
Me - What? You do know people are going to read this don't you? I mean, geez, my mom might read this!
Sam Elliott - Are you trying to say your mom doesn't like sex?
Me - No, she does. Wait, why am I talking with you about my mother and sex?!!? I'm trying to talk to you about money.
Sam Elliott - Sex & money ... those two conversations have always gone hand in hand together.
Me - Quit it! Sam Elliott - Just sayin' ..
Ok - so apparently Sam Elliott is just being a silly pervert today. Do any of y'all have these problems when trying to have a serious conversations with your inner-divineness?
Sam Elliott - Don't call me your "inner-divineness" please, that sounds a little too girly for my tastes.
Me - Ok ... fine. What do you want me to call you?
Sam Elliott - Stick with 'Sam Elliott' I don't think we're close enough yet for anything else.
Me - Really?
Sam Elliott - Yea, you gotta earn it.
Me - *sigh* fine.
Sam Elliott - Don't worry darling, it's almost Friday.
Me - And that means what to me?
Sam Elliott - I don't know. You can always watch 'Roadhouse' again and see if that helps.