Thursday, June 14, 2012

Stuck in the Middle & A Challenge Issued

I was at a local festival last weekend when I saw a girl (she was over 21).  I took a look at how she was dressed and thought "A little skanky there, don't you think?"  Her white shorts were cut offs that were short enough that the pockets were hanging well below the length of the shorts and they really could have almost passed for boy-short underwear.  She was wearing a bright blue shirt that was also cut off and hung openly above her mid-section. 

Now, two quick thoughts here before I continue on with my story:
1) The girl really was beautiful, at least what I saw of her was.  Her face was turned, but she seemed very attractive and she had the figure to pull off this look.
2) I'll admit to being jealous that I can not pull off this look, though even when I could I wouldn't have.  I've had two kids and I've got a mama's body to prove it.  I'm ok with that, but I can admit to being slightly jealous.

The next day I was hanging out with the guys (I've always been one of the guys) and we were talking about the festival.  Among other things (this seriously wan't all we talked about), we talked about how there were people there dressed inappropriately: guys with shirts off who shouldn't be walking around with shirts off, a girl in a bikini top, and I mentioned said girl.  One of the guys got a slightly dazed look on his face.

"Oh yea, I remember her" he said while almost drooling.  "Not the type of gal you want to take home, but the type you want to have fun with for the night."

The more I relfected on this the angrier I got.  It still makes me angry and here is why:

This man is married.  I certainly do not have anything against "looking" - people are beautiful, can be beautiful and to ignore it altogether simply because you're married would be a lie.  No, it was because of the "not the girl you want to take home" remark.

We women spend SO much time and effort trying to be sexy and gorgeous and wanted by men.  This is a proven fact.  I shouldn't have judged this girl as a skank, that was wrong.  Ironically enough, though I deemed her attire "inappropriate" and this guy (the others seemed to somewhat agree, I'm not sure how well they saw her) deemed her "not one to take home" .. implying "skank," her outfit was something you'd see in a magazine on a model.  Showing off how great and sexy Summer time is.  Ok .. maybe the model's shorts would have been 1/2 an inch longer .. but you know what I mean.

It gets me then that women are essentially stuck in the middle.  Trying to be sexy and gorgeous, desired and wanted.  Men want us to be this as well.  But we're stuck in the middle. 

Be too sexy or too skimpy and you'll be "Not the type of gal you want to take home" but the type of gal he wants to fuck for an evening and remember for a while for when he's whacking one off.
If we ooze too much sex appeal (and this gal was certainly oozing it!) we're outcast by society and deemed whores essentially.

And what the hell is "the type of gal you want to take home" - what the fuck does that mean??  Do you want some school marm who looks all proper and sexless??
We're stuck in the middle.  Be too sexy and you'll be a whore.  Be too proper and you won't be the one your husband is drooling over while he daydreams and rubs one off or worse, you won't be the one he's thinking of while he's fucking you.

Women are just as guilty, I know I am.  I judged the girl a skank on first siting.  Wrong.  Why did I think that about her?  Why have I allowed myself to get trained to attack another woman and, I'll be honest, I've been that other woman.  No, I didn't dress like that, but I'm sure to someone else I dressed just as "bad" and likely still do. 
But seriously, what the fuck?  I don't like this whole "stuck in the middle" thing.  It reminds me of high school when the boys would ask you if you were a virgin.  If you said "yes" you were labeled a prude, if you said "no" you were a slut.  You couldn't win. 

Of course, no one ever thought to question the guys like that.  At least the girls didn't.  Maybe we should've.  Maybe it is time for a little role-reversal here.  Instead of the women falling in line and labeling and shaming other women, maybe we simply need to call the men out.  Ok, not full role-reversal, but call them out.  Cut through the bullshit, risk *gasp* offending a guy, and call him out on it. Call ourselves out on it too.  De-train ourselves to attack other women. 

There is my challenge to you, to myself.  Can you call yourself out on it?  Are you willing to call a guy out on it?  Or are you content to be forever stuck in the middle?