Monday, March 23, 2009

Burnin' Ring of Fire

Well, I just HAD to go on and post about how "normal" we are, didn't I?? I knew I was asking for it! I even had the gall to admit that I planned on spending time in the sun (thanks to my migraines, sunlight is my enemy). I should've known the anarchist within me wouldn't stand for such blatant Stepford Wife-ish behavior. So, should it come as a shock to anyone that I went up in flames this weekend???
Ok, ok, ... maybe I didn't really go up in flames (and I didn't exactly fall into a Ring of Fire .. there wasn't even any Johnny Cash on ..) .... but I DID catch fire!!

Yesterday was "Brewday" and we were brewing beer. I, feeling feminine, wore a long skirt. We had company over, and we all were hanging out on our deck, having a good time, tasting beers, brewing beer, and letting the kids playing in the sandbox.

The above photo is a shot of Matt sticking his arm through the hole in my skirt, showing some of the damage to it. The below photo is him holding up the skirt so you can properly see the damage. He's smiling not because I caught fire (though I'm sure there are many, many people out there who delight at that thought!!) but because I told him to, since he kinda saved my life!

So .. how does one catch themselves on fire while enjoying a beautiful afternoon?? Well, it wasn't my vampirish hatred/rejection of the sun, or my inner-anarchist rebelling at normal suburban life. No, we're chalking it up to one of those flukes.
I had to have walked by the burner while the Pale Ale was boiling on it. Note, flames are safely "contained" underneath the pot - we let Shannon stand next to the pot so that he can help add hops and other ingredients (as he did again yesterday). So, it is fairly safe. What we think happened is that a gust of wind must've caught my skirt and/or the flames. It was minor (at least at first) as I was able to walk a good five feet away from the flame source.
There I was, standing on the deck, facing back at the house when I thought "do I smell something burning?" and I look down and realize "oh my god, IT'S ME!!!!" -- In hindsight I can't be 100% sure about how much of that was thought versus actually said out-loud.
I DO know that I yelled that I was on fire, as it caught people's attention. I began trying to swat at my skirt - it was on fire on my right calf, flames coming up near my knee .... not the easiest of places to swat at!!!
There is a very instinctive reaction to seeing your clothing on fire -- take it off!!! I had this reaction too. However, 1) my skirt was tied at my waist, and so there was a knot to deal with (yes, that somehow went through my head) .. and (I apologize for it being too much info here) 2) I wasn't exactly wearing anything under my skirt. So, if I had taken it off, I would've been standing there, on my deck, outside, in front of my brother-in-law, NAKED from the waist down, with more company to get past before I could retreat inside!!!! Chalk one up for the argument for wearing underwear --- although even if I had worn some, I still would've been in my underwear! -- Scary thoughts/visions for sure, either way, I know.
Luckily for me, my brother-in-law Matt WAS standing right there. My swatting at my skirt was unsuccessful .. or it managed to make the flames bigger .. how fast does corduroy burn? Matt quickly dropped down and smothered out the flames. I think he used part of my skirt to do this, but so far I can't find any other burn marks.
I went in to change ... and was wise enough to put on PANTS! My hands were slightly burned, as was the back of my right knee, but no more than when you touch something hot. Luckily, no real damage occured other than to my skirt. Matt was ok too, not burned at all.
I'm thinking about patching the hole in my skirt from the inside, using some fabric that has flames on it. I had that skirt made specifically for me many years ago, and can't bear to let it go because of this. Luckily the damage done was on a regular piece, but patching the top of it would seem silly. Why not celebrate it's battle wounds I say!!
And, of course, because there would be something completely wrong in life if this last part didn't occur --- Justin managed to get himself in trouble. Yes, you read that right, I caught on fire and Justin gets in trouble!
When all this happened, Justin was in the back hall, working with the beer, and unable to see me. He says that by the time he realized what was happening, it was all over. BUT, I did YELL that I was on fire!!!! Matt jumps into action, Justin stays focused on the beer. I think he asked if "we were serious" and "are you really on fire?" -- he says he thought we were just playing around with him!!!! WHAT!?!?!? Who yells "I'm on fire" (and isn't in the heat of the moment of passion ... or maybe just having a hot flash) for FUN!?!?!?!? Seriously now, what the hell!?!? He did come back to the bedroom as I was changing (though I seem to have blocked this part out ... but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt) to make sure I was ok though. That's about it on the emotion scale for my husband though. Definite fodder for romance novels he is.

In hindsight, I'm glad this happened. One, I learned to NEVER wear a long skirt on Brewday again. Really, why I ever bother trying to be the least bit feminine is beyond me .. it always back-fires. Secondly - I'm SO thankful that it wasn't one of our guests, or worse, our kids!! I'd take being on fire myself any day over that! And Finally, this was a minor thing, it really was a fluke ... but that is what makes them flukes and accidents .. you never know when they'll happen. From now on, on Brewdays, there will be a pitcher of water (along with a thick blanket and a fire extinguisher) sitting out next to the brewing set-up. Just in case.
There will also be a big wooden bat sitting out. That will be for the next time my husband dares to think "we were just kidding around" by yelling "I'm on fire". Put me out, give me some Wild Turkey and the bat, and let me at him!! ;)


Carole and Chewy said...

Uhm. Oh,Carrie. Well, I'm just speechless.

Sadie from said...

You are so punny - "be feminine always back-fires"

Oh girl - you crack me up -

This story reminds me of Dreg - when I wear my long skirts, at least once he will shout in his best gangsta voice "hippies wear big skirts!"

Why yes - yes, I guess we do. You take the gold catching on fire though!