Friday, May 28, 2010

The Bitch Has An Idea

One thing I get a little obsessive about (I know, I know, just one thing? ha!) is decorating magazines and crap like that. Ok, most people don't likely phrase an obsession "crap like that" but it's me we're talking about so you are not shocked.

I was reading on Natural Home about creating an outdoor oasis. Don't you just love that idea? Doesn't it immediately conjure up wonderful images? Hot tubs, sparkling pools, gorgeous tile work, natural stone that is also a cool waterfall, perfect plants, lounges, throw pillows, and of course the cute couple we think we are in our heads, complete with 6 pack abs (for both of us), bikini-hot bod for me, and sexy accent for him.

........... mmmmmmmm ...........

What was I talking about?

Oh yea. So, I was reading this and looking at all the really neat things they've done around the country. All green of course. All fabulous. All created via hiring an architect.

Well, fucking DUH!!! Of course we could ALL have an outdoor oasis if we wanted to shell out the insane amount of money it would cost to hire an architect to magically turn our ideas into his dream into our reality.
Didn't I already put a toe into this pool once? Isn't that when Structures in Roanoke was willing to gut my kitchen for nearly 10 times the price of my current contractor?? And that was without the ideas. Sorry to be crass, but my sphincter begins to hurt when I think about how much more it would've cost to get the ultra-groovy designer with ideas!

And that is what really pisses me off about these magazines. If someone did it themselves it is likely because they already ARE architects, or designers, or master gardeners, or fucking someone who is.
When is there an article centered around 'The bitch had an idea.'??? Maybe that wouldn't sell. Maybe we need pearls and heels and perfectly coiffed hair. But then would that be real? Seriously .. who in their right minds has an ALL WHITE kitchen, and yes bleached wood does count here, when they have 5 boys?? That snazzy little alcove for sports equipment, perfectly color-coded and labeled is such utter bullshit.

It just ain't real. And obviously I am even less perky and rainbow-kitty-fluff than usual today. Today I was trying to navigate through what was once our dining room & is now a cluttered mess and bumped into a chair. Wouldn't be bad except the chair was holding our antique, cast iron, Lomax lamp. All I heard was the shattering of glass.
It was supposed to have been hung back up on Monday, but the fucking electrician didn't show. Too busy at another job. So it was supposed to be done on Tuesday. Then Wednesday. By the time he got his ass over here on Thursday there were other things he HAD to work on.
So yea, my butt bumped the chair & caused it to fall, but his ass should've had it hung up properly several times over this week. (By the way, in case you're interested in who NOT to call, here is the guy's name -- RON STEVENS. He works in the Salem/Roanoke VA area. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME OR MONEY!)

To replace the entire lamp with a replica would cost $400 + shipping. To get just the glass parts would be closer to $200 + shipping.
But now I am thinking do I want to replace it? Is this a sign to go in a different direction? I've been looking at some Mexican Star Lights and I really like them. I've always been drawn to lighting like that, so maybe this is a sign?
And then we're (because I've talked with Justin about this) thinking: do we hang it there though, or do we want to do this somewhere else??

And this is what brings me back to being irked at these stupid magazines. These magazines that make it look so fucking easy, but if you're actually thinking for yourself and making the decisions for yourself, it is anything but.

Maybe I'll start my own damn magazine. I'll call it "The Bitch Has An Idea Y'all"

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