Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hate & Letting Go

Yes, yes, you've seen this photo before when I was being Primo Bitch. I couldn't find my "angry me" photo, so this is gonna have to be close enough.

I guess I never realized how often I say that I hate something. I tend to hate a lot of things. I'm really not that much of a people person, though I try to be. I just end up REALLY not liking a LOT of people. (Given the number of people that are out there one could make the argument that I'm still left with LOTS of people to like ... but still, and I digress as usual)

Being a parent brings into sharp contrasts some flaws you might not know about yourself. Like things you tend to say. Both boys now walk around saying they "HATE" this or that, particularly Tristan. -- Not good, and I hang my head in parental shame knowing he likely learned it from me.

There are things you can learn from or that you can be doomed to repeat, and I firmly believe if you don't learn from it early on the lesson (and consequences) get rougher each time you repeat it. So, I am going to list some things I would normally say I hate (and part of me still does) and then I am going to do my best to let them go. It is Spring, things are growing anew, life begins again, it is time to let some of these things fade away.

~RSVP - Actually, I LOVE RSVP, what I can't stand is the mass of people who completely & blatantly ignore them.

~"Mouth Noises"
- This is something that now I've gotten the whole family hating. And yes, hate is an appropriate noise here. And I feel a little guilty about that. I won't stop hating these noises (and, VERY seriously, don't think it is funny and make them around me please), but I do think it is time to try and find a mantra or happy place or SOMETHING other than anger and outrage. <---- Your ideas are welcome here folks!!

~Drama - Not the drama you took in school, that was fun! No, I don't like lots of drama in my life. Which is not true, I LOVE it. Growing up with divorced parents, custody battles, and younger brothers, I learned to THRIVE in it. But it isn't something I WANT to thrive in. It isn't something I want to love. Justin has been really good helping me learn to at least try and avoid this. So, Drama, it's been a wild ride, but I gotta let you go.

~Idiots, Cruel People, & general Jack-Asses - Over the years I've tend to lose friends for the very strangest of reasons. Someone once pointed out that if you like the freaks and want to hang out with the freaks, you gotta watch out for the FREAKS. You know, there's the "hey, you're a Freak, man!!" and then there's a "oooohh, dude that person is a freak, back away slowly." The two can be hard to distinguish. That isn't just the reason I've lost friends, but when you straddle two worlds (I've always said I feel like I'm living somewhere between a Dead Show and an episode of Frasier), it gets hard trying to find friends who are long-run friends.
There are also the idiots & jack-asses we all know and loathe. The crazy neighbors who no amount of reasoning and common-sense works on. The people who make your fingers cringe mid-air, fixed in the position of choking their necks.
The cruel people who just seem out to hurt you. Or who you thought you were close with only to suddenly be shunned by and dropped from their lives without even the decency of an explanation, leaving you with the haunting questions of "what did we do?"
I've realized these are people you simply can't expect anything logical from, no matter how much you may deserve it or no matter how much the situation begs for it. It just ain't going to happen. And like the driver who cuts you off and you spend the next hour or so bitching about -- you're the one bitching and angry, you're the one carrying about the stress, you're the one ultimately doing damage to yourself.
SO - To those people (and if you read this, you know who you are), I'm letting you go. Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "No one can hurt you without your consent." And, you don't have my consent anymore. Part of me wants to go all Red Queen and yell "Off with their heads", but I thinks Mrs. Roosevelt said it better. Our run is done, you can go on now.

I don't want to end this with the thought of the evil Red Queen, so instead I will end it with this. 1) If you're hating something, I hope you can find the courage and strength to try and let it go. Heal yourself and worry not about the fools.
2) I would REALLY love to hear any ideas you have for ways of dealing with a noise that you can't control but that still drives you batty. How do you find your Zen in those moments?
3) Welcome Spring. Welcome to flowers blooming everywhere and the wonderful things they promise us: beauty, fragrance, shade from the heat, and food to come. - Below is a photo of one of our apple trees blossoming.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Noises are hard for me, too. The only solution I've found is to put my fingers in my ears. Seriously.

Good luck with the letting go. I must admit sometimes I get annoyed when I feel I should let go of something that really the other person should be doing something about. Why do good people always feel the need to be even better and let mean people off the hook? I've done it all my life.

Sheesh, now I'm venting. lol Sorry.

I do totally agree with letting friends who aren't really friends go. Life is too short to have people around who suck the life out of us.