Conversations with Sam Elliott

We all seek guidance from time to time, and it is well acknowledged that the devine is within us. I'm not sure who you talk to when you talk to the devine, but I'm usually talking to Sam Elliott. Don't ask me why, I'm not really sure. It's just that he was really, really hot in Roadhouse and he seems pretty wise in general, and has a wonderfully soothing voice.

Me - Dear Sam Elliott, I'm really feeling lost today.

Sam Elliott - Why are you addressing me? You aren't writing a letter. I'm right here, just talk. It's no wonder you're lost if you can't tell whether or not you are talking or writing.

Me - True. But, technically I am writing this all down ...

Sam Elliott - Well, go on then darling.

Me - I am feeling lost today. I need to go to the grocery store but I am worried about how much I will end up spending.

Sam Elliott - You're bothering me for this?

Me - Well, I am concerned about money! That's a fair concern to have. I mean how am I ..

Sam Elliott, cutting me off - Hey hey hey now. Have you looked around lately? Have you seen how many other people are hurtin'? Don't you think you have it pretty good comparatively speakin'?

Me - True. You're right, I do have it pretty good.

Sam Elliott - So, why are you workin' yourself up in a fit about this?

Me - I just wish I could do more. I wish I could contribute more.

Sam Elliott - Justin would say that if you want to contribute more you should offer to have sex more frequently...

Me - Hey!! We're not talking about Justin here. We're talking about me.

Sam Elliott - Just sayin'..

Me - Yea, well, who's side are you on?

Sam Elliott - Sex is always good, I don't mind being on either side. You should try that more often.

Me - What? You do know people are going to read this don't you? I mean, geez, my mom might read this!

Sam Elliott - Are you trying to say your mom doesn't like sex?

Me - No, she does. Wait, why am I talking with you about my mother and sex?!!? I'm trying to talk to you about money.

Sam Elliott - Sex & money ... those two conversations have always gone hand in hand together.

Me - Quit it! Sam Elliott - Just sayin' ..

Ok - so apparently Sam Elliott is just being a silly pervert today. Do any of y'all have these problems when trying to have a serious conversations with your inner-divineness?

Sam Elliott - Don't call me your "inner-divineness" please, that sounds a little too girly for my tastes.

Me - Ok ... fine. What do you want me to call you?

Sam Elliott - Stick with 'Sam Elliott' I don't think we're close enough yet for anything else.

Me - Really?

Sam Elliott - Yea, you gotta earn it.

Me - *sigh* fine.

Sam Elliott - Don't worry darling, it's almost Friday.

Me - And that means what to me?

Sam Elliott - I don't know. You can always watch 'Roadhouse' again and see if that helps.