Thursday, July 1, 2010

Points of Nutcaseness

I'm introducing a new little feature of sorts that you're going to see on the blog from time to time. It's called "Points of Nutcaseness". I am to wonky to have Points of Wisdom, so this is my version of it. My little aha moments. The yea-man! moments. So .. here we go.

It's no secret that Justin is younger than me (I'll be 33 this year & Justin is 29). It is no secret either that he is young looking. I am glad he looks young, it is a wonderful thing and I think he's gorgeous.
However, what I do have issue with and take exception to is being called his mother. It's not like it's just happened once either. As of the current count (there is a chance I may have blocked out some moments), I've been called his mother FIVE TIMES!! FIVE FRIGGIN TIMES Y'ALL!! I've blogged about this before, so I won't ramble on too much here.

So ... what's my Point of Nutcaseness here??On a recent trip we stopped at a brewery for some samples. Justin, me, and the kids - the whole family. The brewery was AWESOME (check back, and soon there will be a link to the review of said brewery here). We saunter up to the bar, get the kids some water, and order a round of samples. Justin gets carded. I don't. The guy comments about Justin looking young and it being a good thing that he'll be grateful for as the years go on. And here it is ...

The Point of Nutcaseness ---- ALWAYS ID THE GAL!!!!

As I am sitting there listening to how great it is that Justin looks young, I begin to age. Maybe it's visible, maybe it's in my head. It had been a long drive to get to where we were that day, I was tired, but I was aging quicker than should be explained away so easily.That same night, we went out to eat, the whole family, and guess who got carded. Well .. not the kids, it's kinda obvious that they're underage. And not me, because apparently I've got sag lines & wrinkles that are bigger than either my tits or ass.

Anyone who is in any position where they have to id people should ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS id the gal!!!

You're gonna get better tips if you do. Id a gal who is 30 or older and, if she believes you really think she might not be 21, you've just made her night!! You've achieved something, by merely asking a simple question, making a simple request, that there is a multi-million dollar industry built around.
If she doesn't really believe that you think she might not be 21, she's still going to be flattered. Get a couple of drinks in her and the fact that she got carded is going to have her wanting to strut her stuff a little more, if she wasn't already!
At the very least she'll think you're just id'ing everyone to cover your own ass and she won't be offended.
But most importantly, no matter what guy(s) she's with, she wants to look younger than them!!!! Ok, obvious little kids aside, the gal wants to look as young as or younger than the guys she's with.
Id the guy and not the gal and you've just shot that hope & dream dead in the water dude. And, the more she drinks, the more she's gonna see herself age over the course of the evening. Guys may get beer goggles and see themselves as REALLY HOT when they're drunk, but gals too often will look in the mirror & see not a hot chick looking back, but the Crypt Keeper. The Crypt Keeper in a bad drag queen get-up version of themselves. Yea, it's friggin' scary.
Id the guy and not the gal and you've just ensured she's gonna see Drag Queen Crypt Keeper when she looks in the mirror.
As I sat at the bar of the brewery I didn't need a mirror. I didn't want a mirror. My hair was frying and frizzing, turning hideous shades (not the chic shades!) of grey. Age spots were appearing. Under eye bags were deepening. All moisture began evaporating from my skin and it began wrinkling up at a frenzied rate. My clothes were tattered and stained. I think I was suddenly wearing dirty & torn fuzzy slippers. --- I had no desire to linger long. I had much more desire to go find the nearest closet to hide in under covers.

So .. just trust me here .. ALWAYS ID THE GAL!!!!


Carole and Chewy said...

Sigh. Yeah. Hopefully Justin reassured you at some point. By the time you hit 50, being ID'd by the little kids serving the meal just pisses you off. Either they are blind or incredibly stupid, or a frightening mixture of both. Particularly when you realize that your social security income depends them keeping a job for longer than 15 minutes, a shaky proposition.

Elena said...

I hear ya! My husband is younger too but I brag about it, heehee.

My peeve is when some asshole asks me when the baby is due? And it's always a woman. I still haven't been able to come up with a snappy comeback for that one, although a couple of years ago when it was just a teeny tiny "bump", clearly not a preggers one, and a PTA mom patted it and asked when the due date was I did say, "Fuck you, bitch!" The look on her face was worth the insult.